Did you hear about the dad who had his 16-year old stepdaughter sword fight with him for two hours as a punishment for going to a party without permission? Granted, they were wooden swords and she had some sort of armor on, but apparently she was severely bruised and collapsed from exhaustion by the ordeal. Police also said the stepdad punched and beat his stepdaughter with a tree branch prior to the duel. Her mom and stepdad say it is their right to discipline the daughter however they see fit.
Bizarre and a bit scary! What is wrong with parents these days? What were they thinking?
Bizarre and a bit scary! What is wrong with parents these days? What were they thinking?
I recall reading statistics that indicate that children living in broken home with a male that is not their biological father are more likely to be abused or mistreated than those living with both biological parents.
It seems we have a breakdown on several levels going on here. First, we have a breakdown in the marital relationship. It is obvious that our sin nature gets in the way of healthy relationships. Divorce and separation can be blamed on the hardness of our hearts (Matthew 19:8). Putting two fallible people together can easily end in disaster without God in the middle of their relationship.
The second breakdown is in the parental role. I believe that God designed the family structure, because of the need for complimentary points of view, and a constant need for someone with a vested interest to be involved in a child’s life. When divorce or separation causes a break in this family structure, all the parenting decisions and responsibilities devolve to one parent at a time. It puts a tremendous additional pressure on the single parent who is trying to juggle caring for their children while maintaining work and a social life at the same time. And let’s face it—as much as I care for some of my children’s friends—I do not have the same level of interest, commitment, and care as I do for my own flesh and blood.
I am not saying that biological parents are perfect. I know that I am not. There are times when I am very inconsistent, self-centered, or selfish as I interact with my children. We’ve seen instances where parents mistreat their own flesh and blood. We fail to reflect the perfect example of God as our Heavenly Father. To my shame, I know that at times I have disciplined my children out of anger or because of an inconvenience they’ve caused; but I am also grateful that God gave me a heart of love for them so that the damage I might have cause has been minimized. It is my love for them that protects them from my own sinfulness.
That kind of love seems to be fading in our society today. And yet, that lack is nothing new. One of the ministries of Elijah who was to return before the Messiah appeared was “to turn the hearts of the fathers back to the children” (Luke 1:17 NASB)
Here are two scripture passages that speak to the danger a father brings to childrearing:
And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4 NASB)
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart. (Colossian 3:21 NASB)
Dads, can be all about obedience and discipline while expecting perfection from our kids. We also can worry about how other people might view us if our kids aren’t perfect—so we put pressure and unrealistic expectations on our children. Then when they fail, we can react too harshly. The end result is that we drive our kids away from us; we damage them, and frustrate them. All they really want from us is our love and instead all we give them is our correction, lectures, and an explanation about how they could have done it better.
Most of the dads I know really love their kids—we just have to learn how to demonstrate it more clearly to them.
Take some time to evaluate your relationship with your children. Confess known failings to the Lord. Ask for His strength and wisdom as you parent. Pray that your love shows through to your kids.
Children are a precious treasure that have been entrusted to us for a short time. Let us choose to live in a fashion that demonstrates that we understand that.
It seems we have a breakdown on several levels going on here. First, we have a breakdown in the marital relationship. It is obvious that our sin nature gets in the way of healthy relationships. Divorce and separation can be blamed on the hardness of our hearts (Matthew 19:8). Putting two fallible people together can easily end in disaster without God in the middle of their relationship.
The second breakdown is in the parental role. I believe that God designed the family structure, because of the need for complimentary points of view, and a constant need for someone with a vested interest to be involved in a child’s life. When divorce or separation causes a break in this family structure, all the parenting decisions and responsibilities devolve to one parent at a time. It puts a tremendous additional pressure on the single parent who is trying to juggle caring for their children while maintaining work and a social life at the same time. And let’s face it—as much as I care for some of my children’s friends—I do not have the same level of interest, commitment, and care as I do for my own flesh and blood.
I am not saying that biological parents are perfect. I know that I am not. There are times when I am very inconsistent, self-centered, or selfish as I interact with my children. We’ve seen instances where parents mistreat their own flesh and blood. We fail to reflect the perfect example of God as our Heavenly Father. To my shame, I know that at times I have disciplined my children out of anger or because of an inconvenience they’ve caused; but I am also grateful that God gave me a heart of love for them so that the damage I might have cause has been minimized. It is my love for them that protects them from my own sinfulness.
That kind of love seems to be fading in our society today. And yet, that lack is nothing new. One of the ministries of Elijah who was to return before the Messiah appeared was “to turn the hearts of the fathers back to the children” (Luke 1:17 NASB)
Here are two scripture passages that speak to the danger a father brings to childrearing:
And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4 NASB)
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart. (Colossian 3:21 NASB)
Dads, can be all about obedience and discipline while expecting perfection from our kids. We also can worry about how other people might view us if our kids aren’t perfect—so we put pressure and unrealistic expectations on our children. Then when they fail, we can react too harshly. The end result is that we drive our kids away from us; we damage them, and frustrate them. All they really want from us is our love and instead all we give them is our correction, lectures, and an explanation about how they could have done it better.
Most of the dads I know really love their kids—we just have to learn how to demonstrate it more clearly to them.
Take some time to evaluate your relationship with your children. Confess known failings to the Lord. Ask for His strength and wisdom as you parent. Pray that your love shows through to your kids.
Children are a precious treasure that have been entrusted to us for a short time. Let us choose to live in a fashion that demonstrates that we understand that.
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